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This time, they really do. Although I wouldn't call what the Yankees did the biggest choke in sports history, rather, the Red Sox had the greatest comeback in sports history. BOSTON RED SOX 2004 WORLD CHAMPIONS! So I have this theory that not wearing underwear, ie, freeballing, helped create the United States of America. Sam Adams woke up one day to find his good for nothing wife hadn't cleaned his undies, so he decided to go without. On his way around town his junk felt free, and he got to thinking that this is the kind of free that every man should have. The rest is history... KU finally beat KState, and I had I been there, yes I would have been in Potter's Lake with the uprights. Every lesbian is one good bike seat accident away from being straight. That's not to say I'm against lesbians... I mean, I love the arts. Dude... I rode in an elevator with the original members of Extreme. Gary, Nuno, they were all there man... If you attempt to commit suicide and fail, I'm sorry--You're the ultimate loser and I WILL ridicule you without hesitation. I am "That Guy." It's called soda people, soda. Not pop, not a coke. SODA. I'm graduated, I'm done. No more school. I would also like to point out that when this site kept "hotness" stats, I was #1 for a week or so. The only thing I have to say is what were you people thinking? Is it bad that after graduation, you get a job in the field your degree is in, but because that job pays so little, you can't even afford a frame to put your diploma in?

Favorite Drinking Game:
Beer-opoly. Co-created with Jonnychow. Invented on the beaches of Quonochontaug, RI. If you want to know how to play, drop me or Jonnychow a message. Although, I've discovered that drinking games bring out the worst in me. A) I'm overly competitive, and B) I'm probably an alcoholic. So you mix those two vices, and you have me making an ass of myself at the company party. The best part is I'd only worked their 3 times before the party, so now I'm known as, again, "that guy."

Did you ever notice
that the world's famous knife, the Swiss Army knife, is named after a country who has remained neutral in every major war? Do they even have an army or is it just a bunch of guys named Jonas eating chocolate and going cross country skiing? Speaking of army knives... they are supposed to come with everything a soldier needs right? So does that mean the French Army Knife comes with a surrender flag?

In five years I
will have drank enough Keystone to intoxicate a small third world country... Those Cambodians... they're such light weights.

Stuff that Pisses Me Off
Assholes who try and bust my balls when I'm working. OK people, don't try and fuck with people who work promotions for a radio station, we don't get paid enough to put up with your shit. This is my PSA. We know every game you're going to play. So if you want to play games, we'll play games. The big question is, how bad do you want that Corona T-shirt? Anyways, more things that piss me off: 13 year olds, Title IX, Bud Selig, Affirmative Action, the French, the editing in Detroit Rock City, insomnia, Birds who crap on your car, Coffee Coolatas, Bernie Williams, obese people at buffets, people who spell sophomore "sophmore" how dumb can a college student be? David Wells, Alan Webb and his unusually large skull, and the entire New York Yankees organization. Also, I can't stand those comical folks that yell "Run Forrest, Run!" when they see me running down the street. Real original numb nuts, real original.

So I'm moving to Florida in August
Everyone tells me I shouldn't move in August because its hot down there then. I tell them, it might be hot then, but its still warm in December unlike here. Now I just gotta find out where Hulk Hogan's daughter lives...

Bands I've seen live
Foo Fighters (2), Kid Rock (2), Weird Al Yankovic, Spooky Daily Pride, Busta Rhymes, Primus, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Recore (3), Metallica (2), Powerman 5000, System of a Down, Korn, New Found Glory (4), Goldfinger, Down, Hatebreed, Authority Zero, Black Label Society, Drowning Pool, MxPx (2), Stretch Armstrong, Eve 6 (2), SR-71, Barenaked Ladies, Down, Lou Bega, Good Charlotte (3), Ataris, Sugarcult, Rufio, LFO, Autopilot Off, Staind, Cold, Adema, Our Lady Peace, Joydrop, Shed, Parker Ave, Blink 182 (2), Green Day(3), Jimmy Eat World, Creed (I was working the concert... there is no way I'd pay to see that douchebag preach), Jerry Cantrell, Socialburn, Vonray, Fuel (2), Aerosmith, The People, Primetime Heroes, Anything But Joey, Moneen, Senses Fail (2), Beautiful Mistake, Brand New, Glenn Miller Orchestra, AM Radio, Stage, Allister, Home Grown, The Starting Line, Mest (2), Something Corporate, Sloth, Revis, Kid Dynamite, Matchbook Romance, Fallout Boy, 2 Live Crew, Three Days Grace, Finch, Sevendust, The Living End, The Lingo, Lacuna Coil, Midtown, Dropkick Murphys (2), Bad Religion, Extreme, Exies, Velvet Revolver, Skindred, Nonpoint, Killswitch Engage, Bronson Arroyo,

Random Stories from home...
My mom finds me at 3 am in a drunken whiskey stupor the night before Thanksgiving sitting on the bathroom counter. Mom: What are you doing? Me: Watching TV, sitting on the couch. Mom: No you aren't... Me: Mom, I know what I'm doing leave me alone. So she does. Then I proceed to fall flat on my face on to the bathroom floor, splitting my lip open. Pretty complacent with my current situation, I just decide to use some wet towels as blankets and go to sleep. Enter my father Dad: Why are you on the floor? Me: I'm sleeping here tonight. Dad: Why? Me: There's too many people in my bed, I can't sleep there. Dad: Aren't you cold? Me: Not as cold as it is in Denver, Colorado. That's the state capital you know. Dad: Get up, there's no one in your bed. Me: Dad, I know there are people in my bed, but I'll get up to make you happy. Apparently, there were no people in my bed. As soon as I get into bed, my cell rings, it's Sara the Alcoholic Ballerina hitting me up with a drunk dial. Mom (Across the hall): Who's calling you now? Me: Bill collectors, they're always after my shit. And so ended the greatest Thanksgiving Day story ever.